Here are the Rules

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When someone gives you rules for your relationship whether explicitly or implied (“We can only talk about these subjects and not those subjects over there” or “We will only go to these places together” or “Only contact me in this particular way”) you have to decide whether this comes out of a legitimate concern to keep the relationship in a healthy place or whether it’s an attempt to control you-prompted by insecurity and fear. In other words, is this a request that you become co-conspirators in hiding from painful truths about the person making the request?

Stephen Goforth

You Complete Me

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One of the most memorable scenes in the movie Jerry Maguire climaxes with the main character telling his estranged wife, “You complete me.” Many people understand the line to mean "I'm not a whole person without you." As if a person is like a machine missing a critical part until the "right one' comes along.

But you could also hear it as a statement of realization that "I finally see how we fit together." Like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. Or better yet, like two great works of art. The paintings or sculptures or rugs are beautiful on their own, yet together they create a new, compelling and intricate tapestry of vibrant colors.

Stephen Goforth

why we do it

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Nikki was driving through the Rocky Mountains with her daughter when their truck hit black ice and flipped over the guardrail. Nikki was knocked unconscious as the vehicle rolled over four times and landed on a barbwire fence. When five-year-old Mary couldn’t wake her bleeding mother, she didn’t sit and cry. Mary crawled out of one of the broken windows and climbed 150 feet to the road where she waved down at a passing truck. As emergency workers cut the roof off the truck to get Nikki out, Mary waited in one of the rescue vehicles. She asked a paramedic if her mother was dead. It would be three days before Nikki would wake up.

When Mary was later asked why she went for help on her own, the kindergartener said, “I needed to save my mom because I love my mom.”

Nikki and Mary recovered from their injuries at home. Mary was given an award for bravery.

Stephen Goforth

Recovery

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Outcomes by themselves don't really have an unambiguously positive or negative effect on your happiness. Yes, there are some outcomes—you get a terminal disease, or your child dies—that are pretty extreme, but let's leave those out. But if you think about it, the breakup that you had with your childhood girlfriend, or you broke an arm and were in a hospital bed for two months, when they occurred, you might have felt, “Oh my goodness, this is the end of the world! I'm never going to recover from it.” But it turns out we're very good at recovering from those, and not just that, but those very events that we thought were really extremely negative were in fact pivotal in making us grow and learn.

Raj Raghunathan quoted in the Atlantic