Insight into who will respond better in a crisis

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A person’s capacity for healthy outcomes during difficulties is tied to their ability to define their life’s goals and values apart from the surrounding pressure to conform to a particular viewpoint.

In his book Generation to Generation, Edwin Friedman offers a way to test resistance to togetherness pressures, that is, possessing the power to say “I” when others are demanding “you” and “we.”

When presented with an issue that does not include “should” and “musts” some listeners will respond in a way that better defines themselves (such as “I agree” or “I disagree”). This person is likely to function well (emotionally) during a crisis. Other people may respond by attempting to define the speaker (comments like “How can you say that when…” or “After saying that I wonder if you are really one of us”). This indicates the person will likely resist progress toward healthy outcomes during crises and difficulties. People who more clearly define themselves are also more likely to take personal responsibility, whereas those who focus on the speaker are more likely to blame outside forces for their situations.  

One of the founding fathers of family therapy, Murray Bowen, suggested the capacity to define one’s own life’s goals and values apart from surrounding pressure, that is, to be a “relatively nonanxious presence in the midst of anxious systems” is an indication of taking “maximum responsibility for one’s own destiny and emotional being.” It shows up in “the breadth of one’s repertoire of responses when confronted with crisis.” The concept shouldn’t be confused with narcissism. For Bowen, differentiation means the capacity to be an “I” while remaining connected.

Stephen Goforth

10,000 hours of deliberate practice is not enough

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In a study of violin students at a conservatory in Berlin in the 1980s.. there was something that almost everyone has subsequently overlooked. “Deliberate practice,” they observed, “is an effortful activity that can be sustained only for a limited time each day.” Practice too little and you never become world-class. Practice too much, though, and you increase the odds of being struck down by injury, draining yourself mentally, or burning out. To succeed, students must “avoid exhaustion” and “limit practice to an amount from which they can completely recover on a daily or weekly basis.” 

Everybody speed-reads through the discussion of sleep and leisure and argues about the 10,000 hours (necessary to become world-class in anything).

This illustrates a blind spot that scientists, scholars, and almost all of us share: a tendency to focus on focused work, to assume that the road to greater creativity is paved by life hacks, propped up by eccentric habits, or smoothed by Adderall or LSD. Those who research world-class performance focus only on what students do in the gym or track or practice room. Everybody focuses on the most obvious, measurable forms of work and tries to make those more effective and more productive. They don’t ask whether there are other ways to improve performance, and improve your life.

This is how we’ve come to believe that world-class performance comes after 10,000 hours of practice. But that’s wrong. It comes after 10,000 hours of deliberate practice, 12,500 hours of deliberate rest, and 30,000 hours of sleep.

Alex Soojung-Kim Pang writing in Nautilus

Advice for college students dealing with an AI future

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Major in a subject that offers enduring, transferable skills. Believe it or not, that could be the liberal arts. It’s actually quite risky to go to school to learn a trade or a particular skill, because you don’t know what the future holds. You need to try to think about acquiring a skill set that’s going to be future-proof and last you for 45 years of working life. Of course, when faced with enormous uncertainty, many young people take the opposite approach and pursue something with a sure path to immediate employment. The question of the day is how many of those paths AI will soon foreclose. -The Atlantic

Happy couples often speak in a "we"

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A University of California study showed that couples who use pronouns like "we," "our" and "us" showed less stress and were more positive toward each other. Those found to be less satisfied in their marriages used pronouns like "me," "I" and "you." Happy couples often speak in a "we." As in, "we had a nice time at the party" and "we had a major plumbing problem at the house last week." The idea is that unconsciously they've formed a sense of being a part of a team and life is happening to both of them.  

Rather than waste energy blaming each other they see a problem as something they both need to solve. So they divide tasks, brainstorm, resolve and move forward. LIfe is better when the blame is minimized and the challenge (whatever it may be) is addressed by both people.

M. Gary Neuman writing in the Huffington Post 

Studying AI Writing

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Just as young artists learn to paint by copying masterpieces in museums, students might learn to write better by copying good writing. One researcher suggests that students ask ChatGPT to write a sample essay that meets their teacher’s assignment and grading criteria. The next step is key. If students pretend it’s their own piece and submit it, that’s cheating. They’ve also offloaded cognitive work to technology and haven’t learned anything. But the AI essay can be an effective teaching tool, in theory, if students study the arguments, organizational structure, sentence construction and vocabulary before writing a new draft in their own words. -Hechinger Report

AI Tools Fall into Two Buckets: Automation & Collaboration

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AI tools can be generally divided into two main buckets: In one bucket, you’ll find automation tools that function as closed systems that do their work without oversight—ATMs and dishwashers. In the second bucket you’ll find collaboration tools, such as chain saws, word processors. Automation and collaboration are not opposites, and are frequently packaged together. Word processors automatically perform text layout and grammar checking even as they provide a blank canvas for writers to express ideas. The transmissions in our cars are fully automatic, while their safety systems collaborate with their human operators to monitor blind spots. In any given application, AI is going to automate or it’s going to collaborate, depending on how we design it and how someone chooses to use it. -David Autor and James Manyika writing in The Atlantic

Pluck the Day!

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“Carpe diem,” is taken from Roman poet Horace’s Odes, written over 2,000 years ago. As everyone and their grandmother knows by now, “carpe diem” means “seize the day.” 

But “carpe diem” doesn’t really mean “seize the day.” As Latin scholar Maria S. Marsilio points out, “carpe diem” is a horticultural metaphor that, particularly seen in the context of the poem, is more accurately translated as “plucking the day,” evoking the plucking and gathering of ripening fruits or flowers, enjoying a moment that is rooted in the sensory experience of nature. “Gather ye rose-buds while ye may” is the famed Robert Herrick version.   

Gathering flowers as a metaphor for timely enjoyment is a far gentler, more sensual image than the rather forceful and even violent concept of seizing the moment. We understand the phrase to be, rather than encouraging a deep enjoyment of the present moment, compelling us to snatch at time and consume it before it’s gone, or before we’re gone.

“Seizing” the day brings up images of people taking what they can get, people who can get things done—active, self-reliant individuals who are agents in pursuit of their own happiness, reflected in the #YOLO-infused, instant-gratification-obsessed consumer culture that exhorts us to “Just Do It” by buying products.

Chi Luu writing in Jstor Daily

AI Writing Feedback

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Students would generally learn more if they wrote a first draft on their own. With some prompting, a chatbot could then provide immediate writing feedback targeted to each students’ needs. In surveys, students with AI feedback said they felt more motivated to rewrite than those who didn’t get feedback. That motivation is critical. Often students aren’t in the mood to rewrite, and without revisions, students can’t become better writers. It’s unclear how many rounds of AI feedback it would take to boost a student’s writing skills more permanently, not just help revise the essay at hand. Studies (have found) that delaying AI a bit, after some initial thinking and drafting, could be a sweet spot in learning. -Hechinger Report

The AI Motivational Issue

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Students who use AI tools to complete assignments tend to do better on homework—but worse on tests. They’re getting the right answers, but they’re not learning. The findings suggest that simply believing information came from an LLM makes people learn less. It is like they think the system is smarter than them, so they stop trying. That’s a motivational issue, not just a cognitive one. AI doesn’t have to make us passive. But right now, that’s how people are using it. -Wall Street Journal

a Well-Meaning Lie?

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When caught lying (paternalistically or otherwise), people often defend themselves by saying they lied to protect the other person. But before lying to protect someone’s interests or feelings, ask yourself not only whether you are lying to protect them, but also whether that person would believe your lie was well-intended if they found out. In several studies, we found that people were not likely to believe paternalistic lies were well-intended, and reacted poorly to these lies even when the liar communicated good intentions. However, people were more likely to believe that paternalistic lies were well-intended when they were told by people who knew them well or had reputations as helpful, kind people.  

Even though paternalistic lies are often well-intentioned, if uncovered, they will usually backfire. Lying may be helpful when there is no ambiguity about the resulting benefits for those on the receiving end. But in most other circumstances, honesty is the best policy.    

Adam Eric Greenberg, Emma E. Levine, Matthew Lupoli writing in the Harvard Business Review 

Good Friction

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I’m personally excited about AI and think it can improve our lives in a lot of ways. But at the same time I’m trying to be mindful of secondary effects and unintended consequences. Sometimes the friction and inconvenience is where the good stuff happens. Gotta be very careful removing it. I’m personally trying to be mindful about keeping good friction around. -Geoffrey Litt

AI Definitions: Digital Twins

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Digital Twins – Digital twin technology is about replicating something physical in a virtual environment. The twin might be a copy of our physiologies, personalities or the objects around us, such as a video avatar of a person or a statistical model of a complex phenomenon (like earth or weather). The models update automatically as new data becomes available and excels best at statistics-heavy applications. For instance, by analyzing large quantities of health data, it can provide more personalized treatments for a patient. Similar to synthetic users, digital twins is more about specific individuals than group-level descriptors. Digital twins raise serious ethical questions related to consent, misrepresentation and biases in data.

More AI definitions here

Breaking Through The Wall

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The squeegee of window washer Jan Demczur is in the Smithsonian. His determination and willingness to use what was handy on the morning of September 11, 2001, put it there.

The Polish immigrant was riding in a north tower World Trade Center elevator when a hijacked plane hit the building. The elevator came to a stop on the 50th floor. That's when Demczur and other stranded workers pried open the door, revealing a solid wall.

Rather than give up, Demczur used his brass squeegee handle to hack away at it. He eventually broke through the wall and led the group to safety just moments before the tower fell.

Got a wall to break through in your life? There's probably a tool at your disposal. Work with what you've got and refuse to give up.

Stephen Goforth

Getting hired in the age of AI

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If you can say you worked a job where you had to show resiliency and adaptability, those are things that employers are looking for. We are individuals with unique experiences, unique energy and unique resilience. That's what we're going to get hired for. – Aneesh Raman, chief economic opportunity officer at LinkedIn https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20250825-aneesh-raman-young-people-employment-opportunities-katty-kay-interview

AI definition: SQL

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SQL - Structured Query Language (SQL pronounced ess-kew-ell or sequel) is the most widely used method of accessing databases. This programming language can be used to create tables, change data, find particular data, and create relationships among different tables. For data scientists, SQL is second in importance after Python. Similar in structure and function to Excel, SQL can work with Excel and is able to handle billions of rows in multiple tables and thousands of users can access this data securely at the same time.

More AI definitions here

Handling offensive behavior

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Whenever possible, express your feelings about offensive behavior from a positive rather than a negative perspective. Negative expressions state your dislike, as in “I hate you when you do that,” “You make me angry,” “You make me feel insecure and unloved,” or “You’re insensitive and overbearing.” You can be more effective if you focus on the common goals and the shortcomings of the interaction, rather than your hatreds.

Goal oriented statements might be, “I think that your behavior and my reaction to it are preventing us from having a pleasant relationship.”

You might try new ways to express your feelings, using metaphors on describing the concrete aspects of your emotional reactions. Thus you might express embarrassment by the metaphor “I feel naked and exposed,” or express conflict by “I feel my head spinning in two directions at once.” Striking metaphors may produce a greater impact than the accustomed “emotional words” that have been worn out in your interchanges with others.

Sharon and Gordon Bower, Asserting Yourself