The Doctor’s Prescription

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A physician gave some rather whimsical advice to a patient, an aggressive businessman. Excitedly he told the doctor what an enormous amount of work he had to do. "If I write you a prescription will you follow it?" asked the doctor, realizing his state of mental tension. 

This, believe it or not, was the prescription: The patient was to take off two hours every working day and go for a long walk. He was to take off a half-day a week and spend that half-day in a cemetery. 

In astonishment, the patient demanded, "Why should I spend a half-day in a cemetery?"  

"Because," answered the doctor, "I want you to wander around and took at the gravestones of men who are there permanently. I want you to meditate upon the fact many of them are there because they thought even as you do, that the whole world rested on their shoulders. Meditate on the solemn fact that when you get there permanently, the world will go on just the same and, important as you are, others will be able to do the work you are now doing." 

Norman Vincent Peale, The Power of Positive Thinking

Two mind lessons

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Two mind lessons stand out for me. One is that becoming open to our body’s states—the feelings in our heart, the sensations in our belly, the rhythm of our breathing—is a powerful source of knowledge. The second lesson is that relationships are woven into the fabric of our interior world. We come to know our own minds through our interactions with others. 

Daniel J. Siegel, Mindsight

 

The Secret to an Exceptional Life

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Malcolm Gladwell’s book Outliners suggests context and hard work are more critical than raw talent when it comes to achievement. 

Gladwell offers Christopher Langan as an example of how the range of opportunities presented to us can make a significant difference as to whether we gain traction in life. 

Einstein's IQ was 150. Langan’s IQ was a blistering 195. But Langan spent his days working on a horse farm in rural Missouri. Why didn’t he rise to exceptional achievement?  According to Gladwell, there was no one in Langan's life to encourage and help him develop his exceptional gifts. He grew up in a small town in Montana with an abusive stepfather in abject poverty. 

Gladwell writes, "He had to make his way alone and no one--not rock stars, not professional athletes, not software billionaires, and not even geniuses--ever makes it alone."

You didn’t rise alone. Is there someone to whom you should show gratitude? Someone who poured themselves into making you who you are? Is there someone who you could cultivate, radically altering the kind of person they become?

 

Stephen Goforth

Falling into old ditches

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Have you ever had someone bait you when your family gets together?  “Come on. Join me, and let’s relive those old patterns you’ve tried to shed.”  You try not to let the person get under your skin, but somehow, you end up behaving in a way you believed you had left behind long ago. You can't stop yourself. You stumble backward into old dysfunctional patterns.

“Why does the other person say these things?” you wonder. Perhaps they want to feel superior to you. Maybe that unhealthy relationship is in their comfort zone.

You could try being passive—that might allow you to avoid conflict, put off the problem, and set it aside for the sake of peace. But the goal should be a healthy relationship rather than the absence of conflict. On the other hand, you could make yourself vulnerable, rising and falling with the other’s approval and rejection. This will mean spending a lot of your life bouncing between working hard to prove you are worthy of respect and resenting the need to prove it. 

Stephen Goforth

The Core of a Problem

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When God wants to give you something of great value, how does he go about it? Does he wrap it up in a glamorous and sophisticated package and hand it to you on a silver platter? No, more than likely he buries it at the heart of a great big tough problem and watches with anticipation to see whether you have what it takes to break the problem apart and find at its center what might be called the pearl of great price.

Stephen Goforth

Advice for graduating students while sheltering in place

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Graduating college students are asking what they should be doing while sheltering in place.

Ask yourself: Am I keeping myself physically, psychologically, and spiritually healthy? If the answer is ‘no’ then stop looking for new ways to feel guilty and allow yourself breathe. Give time to self-care. Don’t pile more on top of yourself when you are already sliding backward. Secondly, are there members of your family in need of support? Make that your next priority. 

If those areas are in good shape, below are some steps I would consider right now for the best career launch when the cloud lifts, and you can move forward. Take them with a grain of salt; Avoid comparing yourself to others and ask what is reasonable for you to do given your time and situation. Think of this as a “choose your adventure” exercise. Set attainable goals for a sense of control in a moment of change.

1. Update your resume: No mistakes, and it must be easy to scan. Have you included your social media? You know every employer will check your social media and Google you, right? You should do that. You’ll find more specific resume recommendations here.

2. Speaking of social: Give yourself a social media makeover. Look for inappropriate or unfocused tweets, posts, and Instagram stories, then reconsider your privacy settings, clearly define your audience, etc. I’ll send you a list of a dozen ways to give yourself a fresh look if you email me.  Don’t forget LinkedIn (if your industry uses it). 

3. Reverse engineer your career: Look up jobs that interest you and see what’s missing from your resume or needs shoring up. What can you do now, or when things open up again? Make a list. Perhaps get up to speed on a professional program like Excel, InDesign, or Premiere Pro.

4. Gather all your supporting materials now, so you aren’t scrambling when a prospective employee asks for various kinds of writing samples. Do you have recommendation letters, head shots, thank you notes, etc.?  (You don’t send thank you notes? It’s an easy way to set yourself apart. Plus, it’s a nice thing to do).

5. Work on your elevator pitch—that is, create a compelling speech about your entire professional life that lasts no more than 15 seconds. Pick up some ideas about this personal branding exercise here. Try your pitch on others for feedback. 

6. Create a list of job sites you will visit once a week. Start with Indeed and look for lists (often in social media) produced by groups dedicated to your industry. FYI: Your first job or two is not a lifelong commitment. Your path is likely to be circuitous. Aim at moving in the right general direction rather getting there in one big leap.

7. Create Google alerts to bring you articles from Google News related to your industry by using keywords. Stay on top of the trends and barriers it faces.  Pro tip: Set a Google alert on your own name so you’ll know when someone has posted something about you online.

8. Try some mock interviews with whoever you are staying with—they’ve probably had a few interviews themselves, or else they can grab some typical questions off the internet to throw at you. Better yet Zoom it because your next job interview is likely to be a video conference.

9. Are there contests offered right now by professional organizations in your field for which you could submit entries?

10. Be ready to answer in a job interview, “What new skills did you acquire during self-quarantine?” Here are some great options: Coursera Makes Courses & Certificates Free During Coronavirus Quarantine

11. Develop more life skills. If you haven’t already done so, put effort into learning to cook, doing your own laundry, etc. Try Googling, “What college students should be able to do on their own.”

12. Educate yourself on your student loans. When are you supposed to start paying it off? Do You have deferral options? 

13. Cut costs and budget. Where can you stop spending? If you don’t have a budget, make one—even if it is just a projected one. Know where your money is going. How much money can you spend on job hunting?

14. Work on a political campaign. There’s an election in November, and there is probably an issue(s) about which you care deeply. See if you can get hired using your college-trained skills or volunteer. You’ll feel like you are making a difference while adding a line to your resume. 

15. Read a few of the dozens of articles about job hunting on my site Goforth Job Tips. Mine them for tips that apply to this unique situation. Start with the career advice articles and move on to those about resumes and interviews.  Regularly search for recent articles on the subject.

16. You’ll find a list of hundreds of “tech tools” here. Learn a few digital tricks to set yourself apart. Play around. See what’s out there that can make your life easier. A place to start: Pick a platform (like Wix) to put up a website that will house projects you’ve completed showing what you can do.

17. While you are building a website, buy your own domain name. Mine is www.StephenGoforth.com. It’s easy to do at places like GoDaddy.

18. Pick up some books (online or physical) and listen to some podcasts that either distract you for a few moments and fire your imagination or else educate you about your chosen field. Pro tip: connect with someone who does some hiring in your industry and ask for reading/listening recommendations. 

19.  Contact professionals for advice on what you should be doing. Don’t ask for a job—ask them to have a cup of coffee with you (by video conference, of course) and then ask questions and listen. Ask your professors who they would recommend you seek out—then ask the same question each time you finish having coffee with a pro.  

Finally, don’t try to take on everything at once. Focus on what you can do today; just that one step in front of you.

Looking Forward by Looking Back

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If the past isn’t the way you thought it was, then the present isn’t, either. Letting go of that present may make it easier to conceive of a new future. Things look different from the neutral zone, for one of the things you let of in the ending process is the need to see the past in a particular way, and in doing that you let go of the need to think of the future in the way you always have.

William Bridges, Transitions

A Franciscan Blessing

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May God bless you with a restless discomfort
about easy answers, half-truths and superficial relationships,
so that you may seek truth boldly and love deep within your heart.

May God bless you with holy anger at injustice, oppression,
and exploitation of people, so that you may tirelessly work for
justice, freedom, and peace among all people.

May God bless you with the gift of tears to shed with those who suffer
from pain, rejection, starvation, or the loss of all that they cherish, so that you may
reach out your hand to comfort them and transform their pain into joy.

May God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that
you really CAN make a difference in this world, so that you are able,
with God's grace, to do what others claim cannot be done.

And the blessing of God the Supreme Majesty and our Creator,
Jesus Christ the Incarnate Word who is our brother and Saviour,
and the Holy Spirit, our Advocate and Guide, be with you
and remain with you, this day and forevermore.

AMEN.

Fists pounding the hard earth in agony

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Looking through the shadowy foliage of Gethsemane, we don't see the classic portrait of Christ, rendered by the artist. We don't see Him in a snow-white robe kneeling beside a big rock, hands peacefully folded, with a look of serenity in His face as a spotlight from heaven illuminates His golden-brown hair. Instead, we see a man flat on his face, fists pounding the hard earth in agony. We see a fact stained with tears and dirt, hair matted with sweat, facial muscles contorted in  pain like the gnarled, twisted olive trees looking on. God was never more human than at this hour. Have you been in the dark garden of Gethsemane? Betrayed by  a friend? Deserted by those around you?  Felt abandoned? Lonely? The next time you think no one cares, pay a visit to Gethsemane and see the man of sorrows. Because seeing God like this does wonders for your suffering. 

Charles Swindoll, For Those Who Hurt  

so that I may participate in it fully

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I do not serve God only in the brief moments during which I am taking part in a religious service, or reading the Bible, or saying my prayers, or talking about him in some book I am writing, or discussing the meaning of life with a patient or a friend. 

I serve him quite as much when I am giving a patient an injection, or lancing an abscess, or writing a prescription, or giving a piece of good advice. Or again, I serve him quite as much when I am reading the newspaper, traveling, laughing at a joke, or soldering a joint in an electric wire. I serve him by taking an interest in everything, because he is interested in everything, because he has created everything and has put me in his creation so that I may participate in it fully. 

“It is a great mistake,” wrote Archbishop William Temple, “to suppose that God is interested only, or even primarily in religion.”

Paul Tournier, The Adventure of Living

What’s really on people’s minds

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Too often spouses, and also parents with their children, reduce conversations to logistics such as what to have for dinner, whose turn it is to do the laundry, or when to leave for soccer practice. Friends might run down their latest accomplishments and activities. What often gets left out is what is really on people’s minds — their joys, struggles, hopes and fears. Sometimes people keep conversation light with friends and family because they assume they already know what’s going on, but also, they may be afraid of what they might learn.

But what is love if not a willingness to listen to and be a part of another person’s evolving story? 

It turns out the best way for us to really understand those closest to us is to spend time with them, put down our phones and actually listen to what they have to say.

Kate Murphy, writing in the New York Times, author of You’re Not Listening: What You’re Missing and Why It Matters

I know exactly what you mean

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We think it’s helpful to say, ‘I know exactly what you mean, I went through something similar…’ but that’s you talking about your own feelings, rather than allowing your friend to tell you what it’s like for them. When a person wants to express their pain, your experiences aren’t relevant to them. A similar, common mistake is to leap to offer advice before being asked. Giving advice is not listening, and often it’s not helpful. It shuts people down. If you feel a responsibility to fix your friend’s problems, relinquish it.

Moya Sarner writing in The Guardian