Words that have the Power to Change Minds

Researchers have discovered that certain words or phrases have the power to change the course of a conversation. Here are some dos and don’ts they discovered:

• List options rather than recommending “best-interest” solutions.

• Use “willing” —as in “Would you be willing to…” (and “I know it’s not your first choice but would you…”

• Don’t use “just” (as in “Could I just” or “I just wanted to”) because it is a ‘permission’ word, an apology implying interrupting and people do not respond as well when a warm-up to a request is offered first.

• Use “speak” instead of “talk” (such as “I’m here to talk.). “Talk” is a reminder of the negative cultural idioms associated with the term (such as “talk is cheap”).

• Use “sort” (as in “Let’s sort it out”) instead of “help.” “Sort” seems more direct and active.  

• Ask “Can I speak to you about this?” rather than “Can we talk?”

• Avoid “How are you?” when it’s not your intention to discuss the topic. Better to get to the point.

• Avoid “any” (as in “Anything else I can do for you?” because the question is too broad) and instead use “some” (as in “Is there something else I can do for you today?”).

• Avoid “yes, but” and once you do hear the phrase repeated three or more times, pack it in. The conversation is going nowhere. Try “What’s needed here?” or “What do you need?”

• Offer a bright “hello.”

Based on research from: 

Talk: The science of conversation, Elizabeth Stokoe  

Some vs Any, John Heritage and Jeffrey Robinson

Workstorming, Rob Kendall

Never Split the Difference, Chris Voss